A bit of a personal post today.
So, I had caffeinated coffee for the first time in, oh, about three and a half years yesterday. It was kind of by accident: it was warm out so I asked for an iced coffee at a cafe and simply forgot to mention that I wanted it decaf. By the time I realised my mistake, I felt silly and decided to just get on with it and drink my iced coffee.
Now, the reason I stopped drinking coffee in the first place was because it was having too strong of an effect on me. A few years ago, I realised that after drinking coffee, I always felt on-edge, antsy, anxious… It triggered a number of anxiety attacks at that point in my life and as soon as I put two and two together and saw the correlation, I decided to stop and never turned back!
Well, I turned back once, 6 months after stopping, and boy was it a bad idea!
Anyway, for the past few years, I’ve kept saying that one day, I’d have coffee again – when I’d have a day to waste, in case it didn’t go so well. I kept putting it off, because I didn’t really miss coffee. Tea is better anyway 😉
As it turns out, I suppose yesterday was that day! And it wasn’t that bad, considering. I felt the caffeine as soon as it hit my system, like an oncoming rush of…something… a heightening of sensations, a certain loss of control. I had to breathe deeply and talk myself into not freaking out. And I managed not to, although I felt very hyper and slightly agitated for the hours that followed. Finding sleep was particularly hard.
The lesson I learned from this? Coffee is not my friend. I’m no longer suffering from anxiety and I can deal with whatever life throws my way, but reintroducing anything in my life that can have such a noticeable effect on my psyche still seems like a stupid thing to do. At least it’s good to know what my triggers are. And I suppose that’s part of managing my health, as well: knowing what’s likely to set me off and staying away from it.
I’ll just stick to tea (green and white, mainly), thank you.